


cover me up

by creamyjihoon



Category: GOT7, Kpop - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Exhibitionism, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Little, Little!Youngjae, M/M, Shy Choi Youngjae, Trans Male Character, Transboy, Transgender, my poor baby youngjae, trans youngjae, unsafe binding, youngjae is a baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:51:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creamyjihoon/pseuds/creamyjihoon
Summary: Only one word echoed throughout the corridors of Youngjaes mind. Only one thing he can see himself as, disgusting.freak freak freak





	1. uncover

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING !!  
> there's gonna be slurs in this there is also unsafe binding and self harm involved so please don't read this if it will trigger you  
> also never bind with tape or bandages it will damage your ribs and it hurts like a bitch taking off tape your nipples will come right off

pain stabs through youngjaes back and sides as he feels his knees hit the hardwood floors of the dance room he has gotten to know throughout the years so well.  
"youngjae oh my god!"  
was the only thing he could hear before his vision began to blur, dark spots clouding over him. his head pounded every second more with the sounds of his members concerned voices. 

he groaned out, wheezing for air as he began to stand up. stumbling towards the door knowing that he wasn't going to make it. 

'they're gonna find out, they're gonna know you're a freak' he thought to himself, he knew he shouldn't have worn this tape for this many hours. he even made the mistake of doing dance practice with it on. 

"i'm f-fine i need to go" he stuttered out Jinyoung and Jackson rushing over and holding onto him, balancing him up so he doesn't collapse for a second time 

"please let me go" he whispered, trying not to let the tears he felt build up in his eyes fall.

Jaebum nodded his head at Jinyoung and Jackson motioning for them to let go as he walked over and took hold of Youngjaes side, "youngjae-ah let's go, ok?" he whispered to him and helped him out of the practice room. 

He signaled one of the staffs over, "please get a van ready to go back the the dorm." he asked. one of his hands gently ran through Youngjaes hair, calming him down making it easier to breathe. 

breathe. youngjae needed to remember how to breathe, let the air fill his lungs with every breath he takes through his nose. Deep deep breaths.

He closed his eyes, wincing when he felt Jaebum pick him up. "we'll be home momentarily"

 

Jaebums arms snake around youngjaes body, holding youngjae up and placing him gently on the bed of their shared room. He whimpers out in pain 

"Youngjae what's wrong?" he asked with his voice soft and filled with concern.

All he could do was point to his chest  
"off, i need it off" 

Jaebum cocked and eyebrow and pulled down the zipper of Youngjae's hoody hesitantly. He realized he's never seen Youngjae shirtless before, so why is he letting him see now?

Eyes widening in shock as he sees the grey duck-tape that's wrapped so tightly around his chest. 

Finally Youngjae starts to cry, his body spazzing out everytime he sucks in his breath,  
"please don't think i'm a freak" he wails. his bottom lip quivering, while his brown eyes are being drowned out with tears. 

"sit up please Youngjae" jaebum said, feeling awkward in this situation. Youngjae nodded his head and slowly leaned up.

jaebum slipped youngjaes hoody off, fully exposing his upper body. Not wanting to hurt youngjae he pulls the tape off slowly.

The noises that came from Youngjae shows he was just hurting him more. "i'm gonna do this really quick ok? I promise it'll be over soon." Jaebum mumbled into Youngjaes ear. Feeling so horrible for the younger male. 

"Don't look at me, don't look at-" he looked down at his chest and then into jaebums eyes "-me" 

Jaebum wanted to say something, but what was he supposed to say? After all these years of knowing Youngjae what did he really know about him?

With a swift movement he tore off the tape, Youngjae letting out another whimper. 

All jaebum could do was mutter sorry over and over. with one last pull he had gotten it all off, Youngjae could feel the stinging from the ripped off tape. His skin was red and tender, bruises covering his sides from binding everyday this week unsafely. 

And all Jaebum could do was try not to stare, try not to stare at this boy's broken body. the bruises that scatter across his soft golden skin, try not to look at all the purposeful damage his friend had caused to himself. Try not to look at the red tape marks that line his chest.

Jaebum didn't know what to do, didn't know how to break the silence. Beginning to stand up he avoided eye contact with Youngjae 

All Youngjae could think about was Jaebum thinking he was a freak, kicking him out of the band and making them disband and it's all his fault. For being a tranny freak, freak freak freak.

Youngjae wanted to scream out, wanted to grasp Jaebums slender hand and tell him to stay. He wanted to hold onto him and cry. 

he wanted, but he didn't do.

Youngjae felt his heart sink when he heard Jaebums footsteps fade away, the door clicking shut. All he could do was cry, hit himself in the leg over and over but still couldn't feel a thing 

tranny freak


	2. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kinda lame but trust me the story is gonna get really good next chapter ;;;)))  
> also i haven't proofread at all cause i'm lazy

Youngjae heard the voices of the other members in the dorm around 11:00. The sun has fallen asleep long ago, he has been left alone with his thoughts for hours. Wondering what Jaebum was thinking, wondering what he was doing. 

Dry blood stained his ice cold hands, he knew sooner than later someone would wander into his room and find him here, sitting on his bed a complete mess. His chest still exposed, the bruises still showing, the blood on his hands painting the portrait that is himself, a freak. But what was the point of getting up and trying to hide when nothing seems real, there's nothing he can feel besides the numbness.

What was the point of anything at all?

He sighed and began to stand up, his chest felt heavy. Every second he didn't have his chest covered up his shoulders slumped over, trying to distract people from the things that hurt him the most, trying to distract himself. He snaked his arms through the arms of his sweatshirt, zipping it up as hushed as possible.

Tip toeing out of his room, he listened for a moment making sure no one would talk to him or notice his presence. He wanted to be isolated from everyone and everything, but still he found himself pulling out his phone pulling up the familiar contact. The screen shined on his face, after turning the brightness down slightly he began to type. 

sent: 'come meet me at our usual place'

received: 'on my way right now'

Turning his phone off he took one more glance around, he slid across the room. Escaping through the door without being discovered. Youngjae didn't even bother cleaning himself up before leaving he just let his sleeves cover up the mess on his hands,he didn't even have a thought of putting on shoes. 

It's just him that he's meeting with, he wouldn't really care about how he looked. Just what mental state he's in. 

And what was he in? Unsettlement shook through his head, not knowing what to feel. Not knowing what emotion he was going to be struck up with and so he can't even cry anymore. Anxious, he started scratching at his neck when he caught glimpse of the dark haired boy. 

"Hyung" he choked out, the others arms already stretched out when Youngjae slams his body into his. Embracing him tightly, inhaling his sweet scent and felt his heart race slow down. tranquility slowly easing over him.

"What's wrong baby?" The older male pulled away and looked into Youngjaes eyes, the street lamp only barely illuminating the scenery around them. The moon being swallowed up by the clouds, not a star can be seen. silhouettes surround them, only able to see each other.

"Jaebum knows about, me" He mumbled and broke eye contact with him. Looking over anywhere really that wasn't himself.

"Well what did he say?" He asked, squinting his eyes a bit and tilted his head in question.

"Yoongi, he didn't even say anything at all. He just helped me takethetapeoff my chest and then he left..." Youngjae rushed out the words that he knew he would get in trouble for 

"First of all, what? Didn't i tell you not to bind with tape anymore Youngjae? What happened to the binder I gave to you?" Yoongi rubbed his forehead, Youngjae was hesitant to speak. He hated disappointing people, especially his best friend. 

Yoongi was the only other transboy he knew, they've known each other since they were teenagers. Their friendship started online, only recently has blossomed into a real one. Seeing each other as much as possible, it's difficult though because of their busy schedules. 

Constantly touring another country or just days filled with fanmeetings or events they had to attend. 

"I left it at one of the hotels in Japan when we were touring.." 

Yoongi let out a sigh and placed his hand on Youngjaes shoulder. "Look at me baby" his voice was soft just like everything else about him. His skin, his hair, especially his eyes. 

Youngjaes brown hues glanced up shyly into Yoongis. "I'll get you another one ok? In the meantime you better not be binding or I swear to god youngjae-"

A smile crept onto Youngjaes lips

"i'll beat you up" he finished his sentence 

"yeah right, shorty. I could totally demolish you." Youngjae started laughing, never failing to make fun of their one inch height difference.   
Yoongis eyes shaped into small crescents as he laughed back, pulling Youngjae into another hug. His hand rubbing circles into the small of his back 

"You should talk to Jaebum about it Youngjae, if you don't talk about you it'll just make things awkward." Yoongi said as he pulled away, his hand caressing Youngjaes cheek felt so warm against his skin. 

"And if he hurts you I can guarantee that even though i'm short i'll fuck him up" Yoongi chuckled. Removing his hand from Youngjaes cheek, he felt colder now. 

"now go back there, i'm sure they've noticed you're not there anymore." 

Youngjae nodded his head "thank you Yoongi hyung." He said before turning around to head home. Listening to his bare feet make contact with the ground, wincing at the chillness of the concrete. 

 

Opening up the door of the dorm he silently tip toed back in, making his way to his room. Jaebum was there, he looked different. His face filled with absolute concern, his eyes red as he looked up at Youngjae. 

Jaebum basically pounced onto Youngjae, holding him. His fingers twirling in his chestnut brown hair, he could feel Jaebums wet tears against his neck. And in a moment it was over, Jaebum had retreated back to the floor where he was sitting before. 

"I have a secret too"


End file.
